Man, doing my dishes has never felt so significant. I'm loving reflecting on this question of whether or not I can tolerate the dirty dishes. It's pretty amazing how a question that seems so very simple provides a window into so many aspects of a life -- partner relationships, parental dynamics, feelings of control versus chaos, responsibility, and oh so much more.
I may never look at a dirty dish in the same way again.
I completely agree with you Alexis! When I first started living on my own I remembered caring less about dirty dishes, mainly because I had roommates and felt that since they used my pots, pans and plates they had the responsibility to do them. However, once I went off on my own I began to remember how angry my parents would get whenever I did not comply with my chores (doing the dishes). I realize now that it is more taunting when I see piles of dishes laying around the sink because it is a fear I have that my parents may pop up and see them there. It almost seems like a trauma that I never paid attention to until now.
ReplyDeleteI too, am amazed by the thoughts, feelings and insights that have emerged as I continue to ponder this question. As an adolescent, I can remember that “doing the dishes” became synonymous with the order, structure and rules imposed upon me by authoritarian father. Once I began living on my own (in undergrad and through my mid-twenties), not doing the dishes became synonymous with independence and freedom. I would do the dishes when I felt like it, in my own time, and would often let them pile up for days. As I have grown older in my 20’s and 30’s, cleaning the dishes have taken on new significance. In general, I enjoy maintaining a clean and organized space and most of the time I wash the dishes after eating. However, if I am too busy to clean the dishes (i.e., in the mornings heading to class) I am okay with leaving dirty dishes until I return in the evening. Nevertheless, I realize that when my life becomes chaotic and I enter into an unhealthy cycle of self-judgment, I can sometimes become obsessive with cleaning the dishes immediately after eating. Perhaps that is my father’s voice in the back of my mind telling me that I am not “good enough” unless I do the dirty dishes?
ReplyDeleteI was also really fascinated by this exercise. I thought a lot about it. I am kind of able to live two lives: "clean" or "dirty". When I am clean, everything is clean. No dishes, no stray papers or trash, no clothes on the floor. When I am "dirty", this dishes will start to pile up, piles of clothes will accumulate throughout my room, socks will be littered throughout the apartment, bottles and cans will remain on the kitchen counter. I am equally ok with both existences, but I am not sure when one ends and one begins, or if there is any overlap between the two (I am a gemini, by the way!).
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