Art Share: Daisy

When I first found out that we would be sculpting, I wasn't thrilled about it. The last thing I made with clay was when I was nine, so when I got my hands on that magic whatever, I made the same exact figure because it was easy and it was the only thing I thought I could make. When it came time to play with my two friends, fish and an elephant that i apologetically can't remember the name of, it felt strange to join fish in the water, since ironically the clay figure was a replica of my one and only clay figure, my dog Daisy who had drowned. I didn't really give it that much thought though. I really enjoyed mixing the blues and greens, it was my favorite part of the whole process. I made an open body of water as the scene, since Daisy loved to swim. I wanted to make it without any boundaries so she could swim as much as she wanted. Someone pointed out that I positioned her close to the shore, so she could get out of the water if she needed to. It was interesting that's what I came back to out of making something familiar.

Final Blog: Art therapy session with my friend Sharon

I decided to ask my friend, Sharon, to participate in the assigned art therapy session. Sharon has been a friend of mine for about three years now and actually lives in my apartment building, right below me. Sharon is a lover of animals and works as a full time dog walker/cat sitter. She is a loyal and thoughtful friend and very self-reflective. She also has a background in the arts and has worked as a graphic designer. Although I will not go into her whole life story on this blog I will just say that she is currently in an unstable relationship that has been weighing on her heavily. When I called Sharon, explained the assignment and asked if she was interested in participating, I was not surprised when she enthusiastically agreed to give it a try.  

Before Sharon arrived, I cleaned my apartment and organized a couple of different “art stations” where she could work from (the kitchen table and on the floor in my bedroom with lots of pillows). I made sure I had an array of materials for her to choose from (watercolors, oil pastels, color pencils, clay, scissors, inkblot ink, scotch tape, glue and different colored paper). Knowing Sharon fairly well, I thought it would be helpful to offer her some structure by providing her with a selection of directives, while still giving her choice over which one she engaged with. I decided on the following directives -- “Create an image that expresses an emotion, tells a story, depicts a relationships” or simply “be/play/meditate with the material”.

When Sharon arrived, she decided she preferred working on the floor. When I gave her the different directives, she decided she was going to “be/play/meditate with the material” because as she stated, it sounded like the least emotionally triggering and that she would approach it with less self-judgment than the other directives, as there would not be any goal to obtain.

As she was sifting through the different colored paper I had bought specifically for this project, I was surprised when she asked if I had white paper. I realized that although I thought I had put a lot of thought into making sure I had a wide selection of paper, I had forgotten one of the most obvious choices of paper! I suddenly noticed my own self-judgment creeping into the room. Why did I forget to bring white paper?! Noticing what was happening, I acknowledged my critical mind and tried to return to the task at hand and asked Sharon if it was important for her to have a piece of white paper. As I was asking her this, her eyes began to settle on a piece of purple paper. She said that she was very happy with purple because it was a healing color.

She chose watercolors as her main medium and began to paint. I told her she had roughly about 30 minutes but that she could stop whenever she felt finished or go overtime by a little. Sharon began by making fluid, swirling patterns, blending different colors together and using lots of brown. After about five minutes she paused and asked if she could start over again. I found her reaction very interesting and wasn’t sure how to respond. I wanted to give Sharon freedom to do what she wanted, however, I was also curious about why she was feeling unsettled. When I asked her why she felt the need to move on she said that the painting was looking “too muddy” and that although she loves the color brown she did not like “that brown”. She also said that there wasn’t any more room on the page and she knew that if she continued the painting, it was just going to get muddier. With that, she asked if it was OK to move on to the next painting and I said yes. I was hoping we might eventually move back to the first painting to further explore what was transpiring on the page. As I reflect now writing this piece, I wonder if one of Sharon’s main expressed fears – self-judgment – was getting in the way.

Sharon painted for about 25 minutes on the second paper and created a scene of what she described as a bird trying to escape chaos, caught between a sunset and darkness. What most stood out for me was the way that Sharon described her process. Sharon said that she began by making a green stroke, which reminded her of a bird. Once she saw the bird emerge she did everything she could do to preserve and protect it. She said that at first it looked like the bird was trying to escape from chaos (the mixture of colors on the right) but that then it started to resemble a sunset. Then, as she describes, she thought to herself, “Oh no, the bird is flying out of the sunset into shit”. When I asked her if she saw herself in the painting she immediately said, “Yes, I guess I am the bird”. She said the painting was undeniably a metaphor for how she feels in her current relationship - she is struggling to break free. She said that she specifically was careful to not cage the bird in and left space on the top for the bird to fly free. When Sharon spoke there was a real tenderness and emotion in her tone. Oftentimes, when I have heard her speak about her relationship she seems a bit distant from what she is saying and that she is intellectualizing the problem to some degree. This exercise seemed to allow her to be with the situation in a different way.

During our discussion I also commented on the style of painting that she used. At first I noticed that her brush strokes were very fluid and that they became more pointed and jerky. Sharon stated that this shift occurred when she started to judge her doodles and herself. Once again, just like in the first painting, her self-judgment was naturally emerging. Sharon stated that she was surprised to discover that she actually really liked her final product. Later when we were talking after the session Sharon asked if art therapy was meant to act as mirror for our life patterns. I said that yes, if we are paying attention we will see many of the same struggles and tendencies we go through in our daily lives, emerge through our engagement with the art. She said that made a lot of sense to her and that her struggle to break free from dysfunctional relationships with men and her self-judgment were two of the greatest obstacles in her life weighing her down.

Relationship roles

This is one of my favorite art pieces that I made in the class. The directive was to pick two roles that I fulfill in my life, and to then pick a character to illustrate that role. I choose to illustrate my relationship with my family as a whole and my relationship with my youngest brother. For my relationship with my family, I painted a black sheep. I'm pretty sure the image is self explanatory and after I had painted it, I started to second guess whether it was accurate..or if it would be perceived as a negative connotation. When I went home for the break, I was reminded that it is completely accurate from the point of view of my family and doesn't imply a negative connotation. I also choose to illustrate how I'm perceived but not necessarily from my perspective. The other illustration is from the movie Coraline. I used this piece to start a conversation with my brother to see if my illustration depicted our relationship. It was really interesting to hear what he thought about it.

Final Blog: Mock Interview session

So this assignment at first came to be somewhat stressful since it seemed hard for me to find someone available to do a 30-45 minute session. Luckily, a cousin of mine decided to participate, mainly because she loves art and enjoys to draw and paint as a hobby. I invited her over to my place, and assured she knowingly knew what the assignment was about and what to expect. She was excited and anticipated in using her artistic ability again. 

When I provided her the art supplies I had at home and from class she seemed very enthusiastic about what she saw on the table. I was glad she was familiar with the art material since this made the process of explaining the materials easier for me. 

Once she decided what materials to use I was wondering why she  picked an old sketchbook of mine and different shades of sketching pencils, rather than the other materials available. When I brought up the question my cousin stated she wanted something simple and quick to do in order to talk about it. She also stated she didn’t want for it to be complicated with the assignment because then she would then get too detailed and would take her much longer to complete. I continued to go with what she felt comfortable with doing. I then decided to incorporate the ideas brought in class where I informed her to either tell a story, ventilate, show a mirror of self or self portrait, or to simply meditate. 

My cousin sketched for about 15-20 minutes a very detailed and impressive drawing of what she felt like when she was living on her own in Miami, FL, sometime last year. She indicated that the 8 months of her living in a state where she knew no one and where she felt very alone, became overwhelming for her. I questioned if this was a picture of herself and how she saw the world around her at the time. She stated she felt unable to be understood from family, including me during her times of feeling alone and unable to connect with others. She claimed that her frustration grew higher when she had to figure out how to come up with rent money and the long hours she worked at a nearby restaurant where she made about $30-50 a day. I continued to explore her thoughts and ideas of the picture and she continued to implicate her feelings of loneliness and how it saddened her, but she also took the effort to maintain a strong equilibrium in attempting to be happy. At some point she stated “I cried everyday when I was there, nobody knows, but I did”. As I continued to understand her story I began to really understand her portrait and began to see parts of her in the drawing making sense. 

Besides the drawing having no live trees blooming and a girl with messy hair, a light dress and a Mona Lisa smile I also noticed the girl holding a bottle, which I questioned my cousin about. When I brought the question up she stated that the bottle was a wine bottle and her coping bottle because this was the way she was able to handle her loneliness and sadness. As a replacement from taking medication to be able to sleep she preferred to drink something that was easily accessible (which was provided in the restaurant she was working in at the time). Drinking wine was a way for her to relieve the pain and hurt she felt of being alone and independent for the first time. 

I then questioned how she feels now that she is near her family and friends. She indicated she is much happier and in tuned with her feelings. As she continued to explain her thoughts I questioned how would the drawing be different if she represented herself now. She informed me she would ensure the trees would be full of life and the girl would have straight hair and better clothes on. The bottle she indicated would not be part of the drawing because it is no longer a part of who she is anymore or her life. I praised her for this and ended the session shortly after.

                         

                           

The End.

         

Out of Darkness

These are some glowing jellies I painted on the small black paper. I drew an animal which creates it's own light in the darkness. I noticed that these jellies are swimming upwards and slightly to the left. I have always drawn jellyfish and just enjoy how weird they are. Animals that can create their own light just amaze me. I also remember I had just watched a tedtalks about scientists finally capturing a live giant squid on camera, which took me to a place deep underwater during this class. I have always been connected to the water (im a cancer). I also loved these watercolors so much! In high school I hated using water colors because you had to be so gentle and careful with how much water and pigment you use and let it dry and layers and blah blah, but with these they felt more like acrylics and I loved how they shined when dry. I can't wait to experiment more with these watercolors.

Fox Family

I drew this fox family while the Professor was discussing trauma. It is on a tiny piece of paper, which inspired me to create a whole family in a tiny form. Lately I have been obsessed with foxes and how cute they are. I'm not really sure how to analyze this picture. It just feels a little childlike and whimsical. It's dreaming of a life more simple and a place that maybe doesn't exist for me, which was maybe an escape from hearing about trauma.

Ink Blot Piece Reflection

This is the ink blot piece we did earlier in the semester. After seeing all of my pieces together, this is still my favorite artwork from this class that I did. I remember how I was super nervous squirting ink on my paper (which is a very light/pale yellow) and looking around at other classmates to see how  much ink to put and whether I was suppose to manipulate the ink in someway. I got very frustrated when I opened the paper and the ink looked like nothing to me. It is amazing that after a few minutes I saw a pelvis and skeleton parts which became so clear! I had also been spending a lot of time with my nephews during the fall (one who is a few months old) and it's one of the  most comforting, loving feelings in the world to hold a baby and have it smile at you. I think I embodied that feeling in this picture while also portraying a naked, raw body image. One that you can see inside and is exposed. It is interesting also because I sent this picture to my boyfriend last week and he said "is that the pain in your uterus?" I was amazed because even thought it was created months ago, that week I had a bad UTI. I feel like the blue life in my pelvis can represent a lot of things in my life, good and bad. I just feel very connected to this picture and I think it represents me well. I hope to frame it and put it in on my wall.